*UnPublished RanDom Post*

#nowplaying Say Aaaah- Trey Songz ft. Fabulous... My new feel good jam! It just puts me in that frame of mind you know. One of genuine happiness...me with the important people in my life...listening to it with the bass where it should be...dancing and smiling! Being merry and doing a particular step for a certain part...hahaha *good times*
Music and dancing....singing...peaceful...includes a lot of sound but for me i find peace in this glorious noise. I just set it to repeat because i need this feeling...its faint now because my mum has found yet another reason to call me a disgrace...i didnt put the umbrella back in her car. Then she goes off on this tangent that makes no sense...im sorry i didnt put it back in your car but honestly i am a let down because of that? This song may not help as much as i need to...*put it on repeat*
This week was supposed to be good...woke up with the positive attitude on monday and everything...made plans to do better at everthing and then the little things that just mess with me started happening (my stalker just called...i shall write about him later)
Am i really honestly this dumb tho like seriously i have been told to go and pray because thats the only thing that can save me at ths point....that i need to check my conscience...and that the only thing i have going for me is that i am a nice person and i cant live on that because its not enough...all this and more (contact the parental unit for more details)I shall have a written self evaluation soonish and be as honest as possible! *Stifling back tears* FFS!!!
#Random How do you take your heart off your sleeve and your feelings off your chest? You dont know? Shit...When you do let a sister know thank you much!
My heart readily pumps at every single thing..and as rational as my brain is supposed to help me be...it kinda creates a cataclysmic reaction in my heart that makes me feel more! I am my hardest critic cuz Lord knows i should not take some of the shit said to me seriously cause it would ruin me....infact i am now makin a conscious decision not to anymore! Im not that bad...criticsm is accepted but wrong assumptions about my persona will be corrected from here on out!
Tried that on my dad sunday nite...he assumed i didnt give a shit about anyone at home (this is he said after going on a rant about how im frustrated and its not their fault blah blah...well he didnt lie about the frustrated part)I am tired jo...and though i may not look it i am a fighter so i shall not give up!!! Need i say that my feel good song has stopped working and is just playing as my background music in my head nw....


*I wrote this blog yesterday and because of the crap internet i kinda lost what i wrote from my last paragraph till the end and it was a pretty long blog so i am currently trying to remeber everything i wrote yesterday...hope i dont miss anything...not like you would...you dont even know what i wrote*

Yea so i know i told you about my stalker...you would not believe this fellow sat at home ringing random numbers and on his 3rd trial i was the unfortunate oine that picked up! Ok y did i pick up a number i dont know? Well lets start with the fact that i am a recruiter so anyone could be calling me (even though i know i have hardly given out my privte number to any clients...or maybe i am hoping its the love/crush of my life calling me to profess love but has no credit to do that so he is using someone else's fone....NO i am NOT pathetic!!! Thanks for understanding)
So yea i picked up thinking i knew the guy foiund out i didnt and he didnt even know me either so oi begged him to stop calling...well now he calls me three times everyday morning noon and night and sends me txt messages in between! Now why cant the person i have a crush on do that (yes my conscience is nagging that someone else was willing to do that but i didnt want him....thats not my fault...i didnt like him like that! Sorry not yelling at u...yelling at my overly conscious conscience) But serrsli...he doesnt talk much...apart from the fact that i talk enough for the both of us...sigh...i dunno. He is just tooo gorgeous and i looove his voice. Lets face it i adore him...iz probably bad so i guess i should find another crush or more so im dont trip hopelessly for this one yes? LoL
Now playing I like what i see- Mo'Hits I luv the instrumentals...have to give DonJazzy big ups on his beats men...this one makes me feel kinda sexy wiv myself...pouting and tryin 2 raise one eyebrow and imaginin he is standin in front of me...not DonJazzy my crush...and doing what i think i do best...dancing...sigh...MUSIC O! I want to make my own! As in people that make music shud b super proud of themselves men! To me its a beautiful thing to know how to do! One of the most beautiful....top 3...or 2... Another song that has this effect on me is If u want me- MoCheddah Im just grindin my seat in this office...*thots*
This weekend was coolies...had CD on friday...Alize and a movie wiv one of the best girlfriends i cud ask for! Yea i was supposed to b goin wiv my crush. I gathered all the balls to ask him and he said yes then couldnt make it (pls dont feel sorry for me and say he probably didnt wanna come cuz i am struggling enuf wiv that thot already, plus the weeknd bfor he asked me nd i cudnt make it and it wasnt cuz i ddnt want to so i am givin him the BOD :p) So yea went home tipsy and crashed
Staurday did my usual duties and headed off to another of my girlfriends house to hang for the rest of the wknd...was her bday on sunday so we wnt to bacchus on saturday nite...FUNKY HOUSE WOOP! First nite out this year as well...twas good...was high on life then high on vodka nd juice! Danced away as usual..got a compliment (yes it was one and so!)It was suspect in the beginnin sha "Babe how did u lose all that weight?" Ha i took a step back in mock horror in my mind and then he's like u look sooo good now...soo slim *yea baby...get in!!* Ofcourse i was glowin after that! Music was BAM!!!
Sunday my girls 22nd...was stress tryna organise her lil shindig at her house but we did it and it turned out to be rili fun...wiv enuf food as well (trust we were runnin to mallams to charter suya at the last minute...the caterers sent us a measly amount of food and my darling friend did not disappoint me...SHE FREAKED OUT!)

*Interesting fact- My bestie says guys can see desperation in ur eyes when ur single...or can smell when a babe is feelin lonely. Now for a sex we consider to be really daft how the hell are they sensing all these things especially as forming is almost every girls watchword...except a few like me...o snap...i seeee...but i dont go around lookin like im single do i...what does that even look like?

*Interesting fact 2- My cousin likes this girl a whole lot and i basically told him to go for it and he is like "She is too awesome like...i really like her...i cant get with her..." Is that why im single fella's...im too awesome for you to get with? Well that makes me feel a lil better about my status nd any other single lady reading this...i think...hmmmm

Basically weekend was fun...till i got home...reality... Such a shame that when people say get real they actually mean o its the worst not the best that can happen...Y tho? Why is reality the negative ish... Humans we need to reshape the world wiv ourminds cuz what we are seeing is what we are thinking...Think about it take a second...TING!

Now i believe i have satisfied myself and my one reader (or 2/3) my hands are paining me...even though this took me a while since im at work.... Thinking of a way to sign out after every post...lets try this piece of cheese...

~*Love~*Peace~*AfroGrease*~ (How does that look?)

Lamentations according to a frustrated 22 year old living at home :D

Marriage Marriage FLIPPIN MARRIAGE!!! It comes with my age apparently..."so who is your boyfriend? when do you plan on getting married?" Very popular these days....KMT! I swear there was a time this topic excited me and i wanted to get married asap! I had thought of everything...number of kids...how i would please my husbadn and try and think of everyone else first at all times...(i even wrote a very sweet poem about it on facebook) and it used to make me smile and have goosebumps all over my body and i would smile sheepishly (random-do sheep smile at all? What is sheepish about a smile? Another thing Nigerians came up with?)

Now i can honestly say i am not as inspired by the institution as i once was... i dont believe in it as much anymore. From second hand experience i think i can honestly say it creates miserable people....that infect the rest of the family that they create and really apart from the worries the individuals already have being born into this horrible world the have the added choice to make- to be miserable or not to be miserable like your parents or not?

Now yes this may be a phase i am passing through at the moment with the parents and at the endof the day i may even be the one with the problem (which is very very very possible) but like i said in my previous post...this is MY blog! :D

Now honestly speaking advise i would like to give to women that are married or itching to get married....as normal as it may seem...STOP/DONT BITCH ABOUT YOUR HUSBAND TO YOUR KIDS!!! Same goes for the men but we both know who is most likely going to nag. It doesnt help...if you have advise please give it...by all means. Please refrain from letting your kids know that you have made a mistake in marrying who you are married to and your life would have been so much better if you had married someone else or remained single...you are indirectly thinking tha the existence of your children is regrettable! Think about it.

Plus you are not making their marriages any rosier by giving them a sneak peek at how they should talk to and about their husbands....so their homes would be as messed up as yours? So they would be as miserable as you are or worse! I know its a choice one has to make but still one works with what they know and that is what springs to mind first of all... Please try to think twice before making utterances at home! Speak to your husbands and let THEM know they are being shallow minded sparrows!!

Why am i speaking to the women in particular....the mood of the woman of the house affects the entire home! Except everyone has the ability and the heart to ignore her which i doubt is possible!Gosh! And yes...this is personal!

Married fella's there is no bigger truth than this i tell you....if you act like a fool please remember the probability of your baby girls choosing someone just like you is very very high! So you would almost have no right to vex if she brings a nitwit home and claims she is in love with him. The ones you can see right through are most like you! They mirror you so you recognise them in an instant and you know what you can do so you freak out! KMT! Would now give the poor girl a hard time when is all your damn fault! Even though she hates the things you do...is ashamed of them and has to love you, look you in the face and respect you...YOUR SHIT IS WHAT SHE KNOWS! She sees it in other men and its b*** and she knows he isnt good for her but she cant help it because with you HER DAD she could and she didnt die...so somewhere in her subconscious she thinks he would love her like you do but you and i both know that aint happening...at least not like she wants it to.... Pls ask God to help you refrain from childish activities and dont think your kids dont know....they get to the age where they do undersand and dont know what to do when they realise what you are doing and tehir impression of you goes on a downward spiral but they cant express it.... BOTH OF YOU!!!!

When your kids start acting in ways foreign to you dont go on some rant about how for the life of you you cant imagine how they became that way and thats not how you brought them up....Look inwards....your actions speak waaaaaaay louder than your wise words!

I have said this before...Marriage is not for kids! If you think you are ready and you look inwards and find that you are not mature...DONT TRY IT! (well i said it in pidgin english with a few extras but you get my point still)

Now my prayer is that i use my brain and make the better choice and practice what i am preaching....but we know how

Ps. One could say from reading this post that this girl obviously needs to move out of her home.... maybe its true....maybe its not...

I wonder....

Currently listening to Melanie Fiona's Priceless ... i would have found the lyrics really sweet normally, but atm... i think its desperate...im becoming a cynic (i prayed this time woud never come)

I wonder what it feels like, to meet someone that thinks im too special to be defiled...doesnt want to touch me but just hear me speak and gets inspired by what i have to say. Not want to jump my bones or throw me in bed...just genuinely enjoy my company but love me deeply and desire me but restrain himself just cause he believes im too precious to be man handled.... concernign this #thatisall

Yea...i may never know what that feels like and im not sure i wish it upon myself cause one day i would want to be touched *cough* and he would be "restraining himself" and i would now be frustrated...LoL. Now dont ask me why i think like this...because i wish i knew the answer :D

Been feeling apathetic of recent...my blood needs to un hot for something! What for? I have sooo many ideas but im just so unsure of everything! Uncertainty has to be beginning of death cause i cant lie i feel empty and like a huge under achiever. My mum was right! Im capable of soo much but i dont do shit! Fear....Dear reader....if i have any at all...please do not be afraid! It can eat you alive and when you get your mind back and you look at it...your afraid of absolutely nothing! Sigh...

I can sing...in my opinion anyway (and a few others...many thanx!) and i havent done anything about it...and im almost 23! I have not one song...i have only done covers...i start t write but i cant finish.

I cant draw... or shud i say i am artistically challenged but i have sooo many hot stuff that come into my head...shoes bags dresses tops...COLOURS! They make me smile, give me goosebumps, get me inspired, i aspire and then...its over...till the next feelin comes along. It ends in my head...so much runs around and i have a reason why each of them cant come into frution immediately! Im always scared that i wont do it well just cause when i think its too marvelous for me to pull off.... or i think it wont be unique enough just because someone has done something like it before.

Even simple things like this blog post for instance...i thought up soo many things to write then got carried away with how people wont read it anyway and it just sems insightful to me and no one else so why expect people to be touched in the slightest. Then i went on twitter than back to work and only got back to it today.

I really really really want to strat and finish something this year. Something unique to just me. I have felt like an under achiever for sooooo long and now my years are passing by and my status remins the same. Living in my head is not living at all. I need to do something where it matters most...for others...make an impact you know....and most of all make sure my mum stops calling me names. Cant believe i have started seeing sense in all these kids that have offed their parents...im just a bit smarter...LoL. However before you say so...i know...we all have our problems....well that is why this is my blog so *tongue out*

What shall i start first i wonder...to my inexistent readers....ok i have 2 i think...which shud i start first 1. music 2. clothes 3. shoes??

Yea i know i have my desk job atm... i hope it gets better than this though...

Ok i think i have finally finished this blog post... little drops of water make a mighty ocean i guess...would i finish the next thing tho...i wonder....

T.M.I..... *NowPlaying Something about you- Dr. Sid* I guess im human!

First things first this blog entry is dedicated to Temiloluwa Popoola! *kisses boo*


WOOOOOOOOOOSH!!!! It been a while men! Happy new year! Been meaning to blog but for some reason im only comfortable doing that on my office chair and i only just got back on it yesterday....and yea that story is long. Been through cramps at christmas and full blown tonsilitis during new years....rubbish and nonsense and all my "oboto oyinbo" friends are going back and i havent been able to see them. So much for making plans....sigh...

There has been an engagement ceremony, a wedding, a barbeque, a nite out, cramps, tonsilitis, an amazing kiss, heart break, (my nations president has been M.I.A during all this btw) ....and so on.... and that is all....






Lmao! Imagine if that was how my blog was! Lmao jokes! With just one follower i cant play such games! Hehehe! Here goes the detail...but first the toilet paper in my office bathroom really isnt user friendly! Goooossh!!! I have been bruised (sorry for sharing i just had to).

Engagement and wedding....AWESOME!!!! Even though i was stressed i loved it! My cousin got married...she looked sooooo beautiful...made me want to get married. Just saying marriage is amazing in the sense of what its supposed to be but what it actually is....what i have seen...let just say i have very little faith in the institution...then again it is what you make it isnt it....well thats a story/blog entry for another day... Why did i digress? Lets just say i ccaught the bouquet....effortlessly...i just raised my hands! I was spooked for a little bit definately then it was a joke, well kind of....because all my aunts coming up and saying congratulations and asking for the boyfriend (inexistent as we both know) and telling me about how they got married pretty close to my age and things....i cant lie im a little worried. Im not in a rush and i used to love the idea of marriage...but i think i did for the wrong reasons...have some serious growing up to do before that happens or i would end up like i dont want to...miserable and married....the status of sooo many married women today i must say! This is still another blog entry for another day! *i feel bloated*


Barbeque at my cousins house (not the one that got married) another one... it was crazy as well! Saw some twitter buddies i had neva seen in person and others that i had. Was helping fam out as usual serving chicken and shit....i like forming "Ms. Activity" it makes me tired but i still like it *events manager no?? maybe...* Anyway....drinking away when i had the chance and he came! Yes my crush i have kept buried in my heart...i had already seen him this holiday though b ut it feels soooo new everytime we do....even though we talk an awful lot *i can be such a school gurl...FFS!* But yea....i was uber excited as always! Trying not to be over bearing...let him out of my sight and then let him back in....try not to watch when he is talking to other women...get him everything he wanted....LoL...i meant food and drink people! Dirty kids! Then it was me and him time.... YEZZUUURRR!!! Ofcourse i kissed him....well he kissed me and i didnt refuse it...and i didnt feel bad about it! Maybe just cause it was good....great...AMAZEBALLS! lol....couldnt go any further....made sure i didnt...for my own sake. LoL. He turns me inside out that man (yea i have been making this conscious effort to refer to my guy friends as men as opposed to boiz which is still second nature to me...nd them lol....ego booster is me...*bite me*).

My gurls came home...well a lot of my friends really! So we went out one nite...men christmas is a time to party hard!!! All clubs packed! That has the potential to ruin a nite out...we spent most of the nite n the car looking for a reasonable place to have a good time! *NowPlaying wine am for me- piper ft. terry G! Luv this tune! Sigh...i wish i could dance now but im in the office....wiv no ceilings...hehehe. Gash i have been sooo bad of recent! Hot and bothered as well...i cant understand the sudden rise of this need of recent...and its pretty constant...is this how pervs feel? Or guys generally.... I digress once again...
I saw him again on this nite and we danced....properly! Woop! Im in heavy lust! FYI a mover...not necessarily a hot stepper but a mover....gets me...especially if i have been gotten before....WOOOOSHHH!!! No kissing for me tho...woiiii *perspiration*

As for heartbreak...that guy that really liked me or so...started making me feel uncomfortable...it wasnt fun...at all...he noticed and i suggested we just became friends....he didnt take it to well but im better than the idiot that ditched me...i had the decency to discuss it...and understand there would be consequences and not push till after for a friendship of some sort....not act like nothing happened. I feel good about myself....what was in my control i was responsible for and what was inevitable i was responsible for as well....

Im going through a phase atm...dunno what its about....lukn forward to my next entry... :)

Happiness....a choice? Really?

Lol...ok so i know i just started blogging like proper and my entries have been me moaning and writing sad rubbish (yes im irritated as well) but by Gods grace this too will pass!!! But meeeen....its not today o!

Got my first pay cheque today...BULLSHIT!!! Im so disappointed in it and in the fact that it immediately affected my level of job satisfaction...i swear i was happy about my job before o! Maybe its because i imagined a better pay cheque alongside all the learning i was hoping to accomplish....o well!

Still havent cried yet....was his birthday yesterday...to think i had plans...

My friend explained to me that im not used to having guys like me really deeply and thats why im running away from this new guy and it makes sense...i think...need to remove this kind of issue from the centre of my being and concentrate on more concrete things because im really starting to tick me off. Nothing prouctive is happening from my end........ok that is not true! Lord i am grateful and im sorry for that horrible statement i just made but its just that i know you made me for something great you know. i know im still young but a lot of years have gone by and according to mum i have not been as forthcoming with huge results as she knows i can be. Maybe im just too lazy and easily discouraged....what am i saying maybe...I AM!

On the bright side my co worker today gave me this huge idea...dunno how im gonna do it but it makes a lot of sense to me...im going to travel out of the country for a few months for some sort of work experience or just experience really! That has got my spirits up for this christmas....even though i feel like im coming down with something...*sobbery*

Im tired....i wanna go home! Im unhappy and i dont want to be....how on earth have i made a choice to be this way?? Please answer me!

I HATE STIFLING BACK TEARS!

Its soooo annoying! I feel a certain way and i know it would not do me any good so i try and reverse/reserve the feelings (whichever works best at that point in time). Who am i kidding though? I want to cry as in bawl my eyes out, scream, tell that idiot how much he hurt me nd that he is the bastard he never wanted to be and how i told him not to make me like him and he did...i told him not to hurt me and he did...i want to slap him and make him feel horrible for a good protion of his life...but thats just one side...

I know doing all this i run the risk of looking like a big fool...and people telling me "i told you so now it has happened you should have been prepared"...i just wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt and he seemed so sincere...am i that naive? Its not like i dont know about the possibility of these things happening but when your all up in the mix these possibilities elude your common sense...which eludes you as well...and ofcourse "emotions come before logic" LoL

Oh my days i want to move on...and each time i tell myself that i have all i need to do is hear one more thing or see one more thing and then that feeling comes...BrB

*bathroom break* i cant for the life of me understand why on earth someone would use the bathroom in a complex...not lock the door and not answer when someone knocks! Maybe she was expecting someone...lmao.

Contd. That feeling where your stomach goes all tight...you feel a little dizzy and you cant breathe...it gets coldand youo cant believe this is happening, you dont deserve it and you feel so stupid...and then it dies down for a little while... at least till when you are alone and are overwhelmed with the thoughts of the day with that one emotionally crippling event crowning them all.
And now im at the office...surrounded but alone still...listening to neo-soul....trying to work but the tears are making a come back. I dont know if its because my boss just came to my table asking me if i was ok...telling me i look like im barely hanging in there...i think i have so much more pent up than i have actually let go...if the tears come again i think i would just let them flow...even though it has become second nature for me to 'uncry'
Im allowed to right? I mean feel the way i do and not hate myself for it or disallow myself to feel this way....and yes i may have overflowing tear ducts...*whatever * but i know i have to move past this... i should cry soon...
The tears...ebbing closer to my appearing vulnerable...music making me happy but encouraging them...i hope to understand myself soon...lol...to cry or to stifle...that is the question....

*Other side of the coin*

You want love...pine for it...hate when its unrequited or when you believe you have "given" and you have been denied your rightful return. You hurt for ages...lick your wounds till they are sore and look like they can never heal (well they can...we just like feeling sorry for ourselves...Lord knows why)... and then its handed to you...and you cant do shit with it...you dont believe its real or you are just scared!
You enjoy it in the beginning and then its "all in your face" then you are not sure if you want it just this minute...or you would have appreciated it more from someone else...all types of excuses....What the f*** do you want????
Ok for me now...its distance...txt language...the way he speaks sometimes...these things are horribly important to me even though they look like im being petty...but they affect my attraction to the opposite sex...but he "loves" me....soooo much according to him. I feel bad because i see how i look to a guy thats feeling the way im feeling now...
Then again i cant be feeling bad about every choice i make or what i like and dislike...im going to have to live with it right?
Distance--im justified...he is far away...someone started liking me after seeing my twice....a few bbm's then it became regular...how does it wax sooo strong after this and then a few visits after a month of constant communication (none face to face mind you) and then he is in love...the thought gives me butterflies...but i dont know if it does more than that...the fact that he is far away makes it worse...
Today he says "i feel you getting distant...." How true is that? Soooo true! But ofcourse i made up a few excuses...assuring him it would be better soon...i do hope it gets better...or maybe im not ready...new outlook on life maybe...understanding now what it means when i guy says im not ready for a relationship (i really just want to f*** around for a bit). Sigh...always try shoes on before you diss them...lol.
I am in no rush...and i should take as much time as i want...but i feel bad still...o what to do!