Altar Call...

All those heavy laden...that have burdens in their hearts...I want you to take a leap of faith and come forward and bare your heart to God and believe He would make a way...'
That's what the Reverend said...yes it was an altar call...I know my heart is heavy...I know I'm always thinking and it runs me down. As a happy go lucky girl (or so my mum says) I seem to be pretty depressed often...
I waited to see if anyone would go (yes u r guilty too...or not...either way judge me not) then I went...
And I got to the altar and I said nothing...I felt the tears come...all the things that worry me swirled around in my head...so much they became blurry then I could not recognise them. Or I could not pick them out and begin to pray about them one by one. Then I began to down play them down...talking to myself saying they are not a big deal not as heavy as those around me maybe. But I know I'm not happy... So I start mind yelling...y r u not talking?! What is wrong with you say something! Then I start... 'Lord please save me from me...

YouTube - Usher - There Goes My Baby (OFFICIAL VIDEO)

YouTube - Usher - There Goes My Baby (OFFICIAL VIDEO)

Omdayz you guys...my sexiest jam at the moment has a video...i haven't seen it yet o but em...was too excited do i felt i should share.... How is every1....shud b back soonishh...hopefully. This client is doing my head in and im determined to get this account im not even playing men *God Help Me*

~Toodles~

YOU ARE SPECIAL! (Am i high?)

Oya say it with me... *in the voice of an ugly man- Movado* "im so special! Im so special so special so special" Yes you guys....i am ranting but its a diff rant...I AM SICK OF FEELIN FUCKED IN EVERY ASPECT OF MY LIFE! Do u feel the same??? Haha....jump in my box and be sick too...CUZ ITS NOT COOL! Yes its a rut and everyone has em once in a while...however looking for reasons to remain in said rut is NOT the way forward...

GEEETTT OOOOUUUUT OOOOOOOOO!!!!! SMILE SMILE SMILE!!! SPEAK POSITIVE!!!! *Thank you Esther*

I basically believe in speaking positive and seeing results...but i dont practice much cuz of this wallowing habit...IYAMA!! Everything sux 4 me now....tbh....was gonna do an assessment of myself in the past half year and i was like na...i would break down...and you guys know what state i can be in (refer to previous posts) when im crying...i dont wanna cry then i cry then i hate that im crying, then i hate that i hate that im crying and it just goes on *cross eyed* THE PRESSURE IS MUCH!!!

Pinning after some guy, dealing with my fam...work...bleh.... IM SO GOOOD EITHER WAY!!! As in ayam alive, my brother is doing awesome, my mum turned 50, my sister is sooo mature, my daddy is doing good...all by GODS GRACE and ayam unique! And so are you!!! Yup...u exist for a reason peculiar to you...not MULIKAT's reason o! (if your name is Mulikat...then of course the afore mentioned reason is your own...)but yea... LET GO OF ALL THE BULL CRAP!!!! Take note... Xabi said 'LET GO' not 'SURPRESS'
PRAY TO GOD CUZ WITH THIS HUMAN DISABILITY CALLED EMOTION OR FEELINGS...U CANT DO IT ON YOUR OWN!!! I kid you not... I know i am having a ridiculously irritating time dealing with mine...

BEING SAD= CHOICE BEING HAPPY= CHOICE....you have to decide....wont be easy but HEY!!! A good story hasthe bits when you thought the hero was going to die but didnt rite???

This is all feel good text...i hope i keep this hype....u need to see me now at my desk...lmao...i am a sight to see


Please listen to this song------->http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=clSv4TzbRCs


That song is part of my wedding playlist...listen and enjoy...join me in my world of madness and feeling hyper...it puts me in 'Tola high mode' refer to this post for what that means...lol http://beforesheimplodes.blogspot.com/2010/06/in-bleh-state-of-mind.html


But yea....my point is...really...be positive...speak positive...pray to God and have faith that it would work...its NOT cool to hate people or only speak "Your Mind" when its derogatory.. stop thinking and wanting and actually GET UP AND GO! (ok some of these points where not made in what i said earlier but i am summarizing my entire brain...yes brain...atm) and i may not even publish this post cuz i am typing so fast i dont know what i am even saying....like have had some sort of stimulant....

Now playing- Aboko Ku- Zara <----that rite there is a jam! For 'Tola hig mode' as well.... Now 2 attemots have been made to burst this self made bubble...a client has pissed me off and my boss has asked me to come in 2mw morning b4 CD....NEVAZ!It wee not burst...i wee b happy till....well till....i have good reason 2 vex! Ok i have to go home...but em... peace love and afro grease....i wee b back with serious issues later...i think,... stay tuned...and such.... Ok now i know what my issue is- 2mw is friday!!! Hahaha...

Been away a while....

Omdayz its been a while!!!! Im so sorry! Not been here for a while! I knooooow! I have kinda turned to my little blackberry to be writing my thoughts on the memo pad application thing thats there....been tryna write my smart ass comments as soon as i think of them...a habit that has taken me years to cultivate...not like its cultivated yet im still trying but using my phone is helping.
Was also thinking of making this private cuz of some of the soggy stuff i have been thinking about...NO I AM NOT IN A PHUNK...im dealing...it may not b first rate but im trying... :D If you are reading this...right here right now...im not joking...pissed off, sad, already happy, mad, delirious....try and smile....go on...as in a real one o! You are alive...if you were useless our maker would have done away with you...but you are still here because you are supposed to be doing something. Now the apple may not hit your head today, tomorrow, next month or next year in fact...so just start doing something...ANYTHING that you can immediately do. A lot of us human beings are talkers...to do...is the extraordinary people that get that bit...try and be one of em ok....

That was my inspirational babble for the day...nd to be very honest i am currently trying (key word being trying) to take heed to this advice to i AM tryna practice my sermon... ;p (that was for whoever momentarily judged me)

Some things just popped into my mind now...and once again bum pads was one of em...LADIES!!! Please steer clear of these things...and YES this has somn to do with the fact that i dont have much in that area (a booty) Its false advertising that would lead to your own demise seriously! Dunno if i have said this before but obviously the only reason you would wanna wear bum pads is to attract a member of the opposite sex right? Ok lets assume there are dikes that are into ass...what would i know about that... But yea lets say the fish catches the bait o! He/she now wants to tap that 'ass' o! U r now making out...gettin all excited and then u lot begin to strip...then as u take off ur bottoms...u take off ur 'sexy lingerie' and with it goes ur ass...do you not think he would have a heart attack?!?! Or just be distraught at the fact that the reason he followed you home is on the floor....and not attached to you?!?
Oh you think he is goin to say oh i was attracted to your mind and soul anyway?!?! PUHLEEEEAASSEEE!!! Put that fake booty down and NO no1 in the bum pad industry has offended me i just think its not it...ok u have deceived the guys successfully...would you not b conscious that one day something could happen and you would be walking around with a lop sided ass or something? How on EARTH would you explain to everyone you walk past that goes cross eyed all of a sudden?!? It is altogether avoidable girls...eat plenty and pray it goes to your ass....if not...SQUATS!!! Squats morning and night everyday judiciously... In any case you would be fine without the ASS PADS!

Yes i have just ranted on a whole paragraph about bum pads...this may be personal...

Moving on...

The combination of the blackberry phone and twitter i believe could be quite damaging...to relationships especially...AHAH!!! One is so easily accessible...blackberry messages, direct messages, open flirting, unnecessary hidden things...insecurities are bound to heighten...and then people walk around with the cover of "twitter is not that serious" after saying they definitely believe in and when quizzed about it by relevant parties get all defensive...thing is really you cant question them because there is the freedom of speech and the 'baby dont you trust me...im always joking now" im not just referring to guys now...girls are getting vicious! Yes they are no longer smiling! Im sure my readers are aware of how the world is evolving and its become norm for a guy to cheat...well a girl cheating is fast becoming a norm too...its now ok for a single guy to have multiple sexual partners (this they owe to twitter...lol...o lawdy lawd) and now girls as well...im not standing from the area of judgement...but fear...or insecurity...no i dont have a boyfriend...but i fear that if i do have one that ticks 'enough boxes' if im with him and i hear hos phone vibrate...or i take a quick glance at his fone and see that he is checking his tweets and see that he is looking at his DM's (direct messages) would i just be able to continue what i was doing with a clear mind...or be worrying about the 'hungry babe that has sent him a message...that he probably isnt discouraging...or he is talking to himself' Sigh...only God people...only my FATHER IN HEAVEN can show US the way....

*Side note* i reflected this past week and realized there are some things i have done that seemed harmless and stuff but i realise how i could have come across as fucked up...i have done some really messed up things in my life and i am sorry...but it brought me down to earth o! I didnt know i thought of myself a lil higher than scum ...but now i stand no longer deluded (of which i didnt even know i was deluded either! Hahaha! ) ...i am HUMAN!!!

Another random thought...this has been on my mind....the world today has made being self centered...some what ok...it has sugar coated it as well...thing is its difficult not to be...as much as we should not along with many other things it has now become justifiable...there are just so many emotionally wounded humans to prove that its ok to be self centered....its....safe... Lord Jesus Help us....