Ekaette II

...I used to make little visits...run into the house hug her and leave before we said too much...this time after being threatened that i would be fatherless if i didnt open my legs up for this man....i had to ask her...i had to know! Now it didnt make sense anymore ! By now i was sure that in order for me to be conceived a man must have known my mother...and times without number i wanted to ask her...this man that was sleeping with me was not my father and no i was sure he would never be no matter how many times we had sex! I just had to ask this time...no matter what i felt i had to...

(Yes my upbringing was a little warped now and there were a lot of things i should have been exposed to that i didnt have the opportunity for! On one of our visits out of town ...my sis, cousin and i had to go with the family to continue to be maids (yes we didnt get holidays) to these people. My sister could not take it anymore...She fled! I had no one else...my cousin and i were not that close! While i was distraught i tried to seek comfort from this cousin...but little did i knw that when the 'holiday' would be over and we returned my cousin would run away too! So i was all alone....no one to turn to...to learn from the way i should have from my 'primary' environment.)

I asked her after coming into her house looking very pensive...she locked the door behind me thinking there would be a need to stop me out after 2 minutes as usual... I told her there was no need...i said i needed to talk to her...
"Mama...please you must answer me...i have neva asked you for anything till now...and i dont think i would after this...please mama who is my father?" This woman her eyes wide and looked away for what felt like a long time...then she took a deep breath and gave a resigning sigh and said to me "My child you know i did everything because i wanted you to have more than i or your siblings ever did...it is because i love you i sent you away you know that" I didnt say anything...i just looked her straight in the eye to let her now that i was not satisfied because she had not answered my question...this she understood and took another deep breath "Your father is the man you have been staying with all this while my dear...the man who is taking care of you now..." I said "No mama i mean...who is the man that you slept with that helped you conceive me...who is my biological father mama?! Or do you not know who he is?!" She laughed and said "Sometimes i wish that was the case but no...my answer remains the same...that man is your father. I swear on my mothers grave." I couldnt believe it...i could hear nothing after that...but apparently i was screaming and i held her in a firm grip then i found my words yelling at the top of my voice that this man had made me sleep with him almost every nite since i was 12 years old with promises of fatherhood...only to find he is my father anyway! All she could say was she was sorry and that i should forgive him and try and forget about it...WHAT! After that i felt sooo much disgust towards her...could not look at her...could not stand to be in the same room with her...so i demanded that she open up the door and i left...
Apparently this man...and my mother where an item...a looong time ago. They were in love then he went away to school...my mother could not afford this and she assumed they would get married when he got back so she was not exactly bothered. He used to come home to visit and sleep with her and everytime she got pregnant she bore his kids assuming they were going to be a happy family when he was thru. Unfortunately this was not the case...while at school he met Lady Joe...a more educated woman...who had 'class'... He decided he would not marry a village girl but someone that would help with his reputation, and his new ambitions ( he wanted to become the governor and this he did attain) However since y mother had children for him already he was obliged to at least provide accommodation for us...and then go away to make his own 'legal' family elsewhere. However i was not born yet...this man used to come to my mothers place to visit...and sleep with her still...thats how i came about...
My mother could not provide for us all thats why she sent my sister and i to stay with him...thinking he would treat us like his children...which we were of course. Lady Joe however knew about us and thats why she treated us that way...thats why she hated us!
This time...there was a young male neighbour of ours who had feelings for me...apparently Lady Joe had feelings for him as well..when she found out he was looking for me and not her...she made the entire family move house! There was an incomplete building that was their's...it was under construction but she was sooo vexed she had to make us live there just so the boy would not see me... We are in a lovely relationship now btw...lol....

This happened a long time ago...or at least in my mind its been a while...my heart still hurts and im still confused...i have tried to understand the plan...or what i am supposed to take away from the fact that i had a screwed up childhood...literally. So i just thank God...for it all...especially that i have moved on...and dont feel as disgusted with myself or my mum as before...
I have moved far away from that family that brought me pain...i am somewhat happy now wiv a job and a place of my own....i am finding it difficult to take my relationship to the next level ...he is being very patient but would he really accept all the messed up bits of me? He has options now...marrying me wud give him none but me...how would he deal...would he leave me or threaten me into something...am i fully past this...
Yes this is a true story and every name you have seen here is real...well my name is not Ekaette but i am just a serious case of one that most people refer to...

Ekaette

Ekaette andthe concept behind it is very funny to tell and listen to especially with the song 'Ekaette' by Maye thats out now...but you see for some 'ekaette's' out there their story isnt very funny...infact it would claw at the flesh of your heart...hear this one...

"Hi my name is 'Ekaette' strictly for the purpose of this story...and believe it this is true. I was 6 years old when my mother sent me off to live with 'family' a few hours from our humble home along with my sister and a cousin of mine. I neer knew my father and we were very poor...i am the last of 9 kids...of which 5 out these 9 passed away a while ago. Still my mum could not support us all so my going away was to help the situation at home.I got to 'Lady Joe's' house who had kids of her own...one of which is my age, a huge farm, a massive compound...and a husband! From the age of 6 i was stationed in the kitchen to prepare the food for the entire household, while my older sister and my cousin where in charge of the farm. I didnt know anything about cooking but i had to learn so sometimes...when i was cooking beans for instance...my sis nd i had to devise a means of my making sure i was doing the right thing. So in order to check if the water had dried/ not i wud stick a paper into the pot and run as fast as i could to the farm "Sister see is it ok??" Panting like nothing under the sun and she would say "ok run back o! The water is drying!!" nd i would run back to put some more in... Yup it was tough...
Concerning school my sister cousin and i obviously went to some government school while Lady Joe's kids went private...school fees must have been about N500 or so. My class mates where so helpful...they would inflate the amount when telling their parents just so they could contribute to my own tuition...and this worked till i had to write my first external exam! I didnt know what to do...they were not paying my normal tuition so i believed there was no way they were going to pay this which was even more expensive...i couldn't make my class mates pay for that could i? I was bugged down for a while, couldn't just stop my education like that ... Unfortunately i resorted to stealing...just enuf to pay for my examz nd buy my own pare of rubber slippers...my first pair...I was happy...momentarily. This little thing changed my life...for the worse...not like i was in a good situation in the first place!
Yes...one day for the thief and everyday for the owner in this case...i was found out! Lady Joe had a fit! She wanted me out of her house... She made sure i was tied to the tree at the bag...she put ground pepper into my bottom and my vagina... she got me imprisoned for one night...i was 12 years old at the time by the way...She told her husband who decided to pick me up the next day i thought he was going to yell at me some more...or thats what he told Lady Joe he was going to do...little did i know...
Then he took me to his office...i was prepared for the scolding and beating of my life ...he just told me to lie down face up...this i did with fear and trembling waiting for this punishment...then he got on top of me and told me to "open up" and i started begging and pleading...crying my eys out promising i would not take a thing fro them without askin ever again...and he just softly said "Im not trying to punish you...you want me to be your daddy right? Im trying to make that happen...so things can be easier for you at home..." Sweeter words had not been said to me...i was so happy! He wants to be my daddy...i would be accepted...finally... He saw how hopeful i looked and when i nodded slightly...he said then open up...and i did...He took away something i didnt understand, something that i had no idea of its value, in the worst way possible...and it hurt sooo much and when i told him he simply said the pain would go away...and i was ready to bear it...he would be my daddy after rite? I was ready to do all it took...then it was over. He bought me food and told me not to tell Lady Joe what had happened so my transition to daughter would be easier i assumed...so i consented to that...
His sleeping with me became regular and well he gave me money to complete my education...i finished secondary school...got into university...so i was grateful...though my relationship with Lady Joe was not improving...i got into university and well finally...something somewhat natural happened...i got a boyfriend. Now there was no way (pushing all non_exposure nd naiveté aside) was i goin to sleep with more than one man at a time so i the next time 'daddy' approached me i said no...and there was a massive blow out and i ran to see my mum. O yea i forgot to mention...i had been banned from going to see her all this while... (to be continued)

HOPDATE!!!!

Roiiiteee! Soooo what has been happening!!! I have been under a lot of pressure mentally to make a few possibly life altering decisions. put a post about the HSM competition before rite? Well...i would have had to give up 7 weeks of work (consecutive weeks btw) to go on at boot camp! Now i didnt know which 1 to do...follow a dream that still had its uncertainties 4 me...or stick to a plan that i had managed to make after a lot of heavy thinking when i first moved back! I had advice from soo many places "Tola follow ur dreamz...this cud b ur big break...its just 7 weeks for the opportunity of a life time..." Then i finally spoke to my dad who talked to me for almost an hour and then some...we argued, i cried, he said some things...he went out and i sat down and thought...this man isnt saying i shudnt sing...he wants me 2 have some sort of focus and he doesnt think i have any at the moment...and i know with what im doing now business wise..even tho im not happy about it atm i had a plan... As for singing...i would create more opportunities for myself for any big break i should have if i shud have any at all! Im not dead/ dying thanks to God...and i shud not have to give up work/one plan i have made just yet Yes i say give up work because really and truly no one gets 7 weeks of leave from work....and there were too many uncertainties surrounding my going on to boot camp. Yes it was the safer choice and i feel like a pussy as always cuz Lord knows i wanted to take a risk for once in my bloody life...but i felt soooo much better after making the decision! It felt like a major weight had been lifted! I was not 100% happy but i could breathe easy...all of a sudden. I prayed and i felt ok.
So im still at work but my brain is working. Now something awesome happened on the day i was supposed to go to bootcamp. Obviously i came to work instead and i had to interview someone. Very courteous guy....well spoken. I was asking him different questions and i think this is the only interview ihave conducted that i got chills...like goose bumps every where...his passion for wht he wanted to do the plans he had made...and he just reminded me of the passion i had for what im doin now in the first place! Like i was sooo inspired! This guy got a 3rd class in uni...but he believes sooo much in what he is gunning for...WOW! If i had gone to boot camp i may have been inspired there...but i wouldnt have gotten that! That just brightened my whole day and sort of confirmed to me i had made the right choice...
Then last night...my dad sends me a message saying i shud tune in to some radio station and i thot it was for music so i did...this woman was having a talk show on whether parents should decide the career path of their kids... Ths is me thinking ok my dad just wanted 2 buttress the point he made when we had the argument concerning what i wanted to do...only for the man to call in!!! I was just screaming! e said the same things he said to me to the lady and i was just shouting at my own end...wondering hw sneaky my dad can be! He now called me and was just laughing...i now said infact i am going to call in too! So i did...he was home alredi by then and it snot like as if my dad where still at logger heads or anything...i just wanted 2 put the point of passion forward...how that had to be considered! Yes i know in this current age economic/commercial value of what you are dong has to be taken into consideration but if u do what u enjoy hu says you would not break that barrier. I told her i wanted 2 sing then she asked me to...ON FLIPPIN RADIO! well i did and she seemed impressed...and apparently so was my dad! :D :D :D :D YAAAY! She was like wow ok give the fone to ur dad (yea i told her my dad had called earlier) and then he said the smae thing and that was that....was pretty funny tho...really warm moment to if i might add...sigh...his wife needs to come back home soon tho....
Wow u guys guess what....this post was not soggy!!! Well it had nothing to do with any guy!!! Awesomeness! Thank u Jesus! We r movin on up! BOOOYAKASHAAA!!!
Ok i have to go now..the enough is enough rally is in Lagos 2day and i really wnt 2 go! I am so xcited 2 b a part of this movt in this my rudderless ship of a country...God pls help us be the change and make this change!!! Amen!!!

Closer...

I cant wait to get you off my mind....

.....

Ok initially i was gonna title this "Things i wish i said" but then that would mean this would be another soggy post...and i know i promised i wouldnt write anything soggy anymore but somehow i cant help it because thats usually what drives me to write something...was gonna write like i was shouting at someone...a guy...the guy i thought would have been awesome but it seems i thought wrong...i was just going to speak my mind...or my mind as of a few hours ago...it still is my state of mind but im calmer now as in im breathing...and im not trying not to cry...im just kinda sad. Not altogether sad cuz there are things that are/have been distracting me from sinking into "ultimate phunk mode"
Was sooo upset with "this guy" this weekend...my dad had to sit me down and talk to me...what can i say i actually like the guy and now im worried that i do! He disappoints maybe 7 out of 10 times and my dad is like if a guy really gives a shit he wud try to make u happy 7 out of 10 times (well those are my words...lol...)
O he said something like..."Tola guys are assholes you know...you know that rite?" And i said yes....lmao! I tried not to catch myself after that cuz i dont think he realised i was indirectly referring to him as an asshole as well...lol...
But yea enough of that...i would get over it soon...i have decided to free...and im making head way. To think there was a time he would actually say "I'm so sorry for....please dont go off me" Smh...How do i get into all these tom foolery type things all the time...maybe i need a shrink...
Of which i still cant get over the fact that sometime last year while i was in uni...i had to see the school shrink! Like lying in that sofa...was too weird...i was talking or at least trying to...but in my mind i was like "Ha Tola...this is you o! Ur friends call you crazy but this is the last bus stop! Ur seeing a shrink as in doing the whole sofa P! Haba! And u were referred! Lmao" Twas too funny. Im not deranged or anything but at that time..TRUST ME...twas ruff bwoi! If i wasnt referred i would probably have dealt with it....
Now playing...Ms Stress-Floetry "Its better that it hurts, its better that it feels this way to me, i cant be too comfortable cuz loving you is not my destiny..." The rest of the song pretty much applies to me....word for word...for almost very rltshp i have had (not all o! Im not completely blind...but sometimes you dont see these things from the on-set) I did say enough of this right! Yea...thing is i dont think i have anything else to say...and it frustrates the shit outta me....but as usual...i shall put a smile on my face...or not... but i will say...im fine....

Well....

Father in heaven, I ask and pray that you guide my family, friends, loved ones and my footsteps today! What i really want to say Lord is that help me not to throw what i have where it would not be appreciated because i have come to realise that this is the reason why i am hurt most of the time. Help me not to expect much from human beings no matter what i give for they are like me...fallible. Help me to understand or remember when people make me sad that i have made someone else sad and so my on turn had to come somehow...only if ths makes it hurt any less... Father give me a discerning spirit that i may know when to use my head or my heart or both...(if there is anything like that) Help me to be patient uz i now i plead for it in others. Father help me realise that i do NOT have to have a significant other before my true happiness comes cuz it seems thats what i have been thinking! Help me help people come to their full potential cuz i now that is one thing i know could replace that feeling... Lord help me come into my own as soon as possible cuz that could also mae me feel good and forget...
Father most of all u cud toughen my heart just a lil bit..but give me some strong tough skin!
Thats what i have to say now Lord...i just want 2 b truely happy nd stop writin depressing stuff on my blog...street cred needs to go up u know...LoL
From ur child that just keeps messing up :)