Overwhelmed!!!

O wow! People have been reading my blog!!!! And commenting!!!! And best of all relating nd giving advice!! As in wow! These are the things that make me smile!! I promise you guys that my blog would seize to be soggy as soon as possible! It shall be about happy tingzz! Of which we gats be grateful o! As in if u woke up this morning and didnt have to look for money to get from point A to B! Or that you woke up with the same thing on your mind from the night before _"How am i going to pay these people back?" Or things that would genuinely make you look over your shoulder or ignore calls 4 like really really serious reasons! If you didnt pay a dime to get through school praise Jehovah!
My help her name is Beauty...is Ghanaian. Grew up in Ghana without any of the spoons that give you an advantage in her mouth. After some years in high school her parents sent her to Lagos to her uncle to continue cuz he said he could pay. She got here o! Excited and knowing Beauty im sure she got lost a few times...confused as always (you gotta luv her...plus if u give her small space she will TALK! Woyoyoy! U dont even have to be listening! Anyway im the only 1 there 4 her so i give her the ear she needs) anticipating meeting the extended fam and making plans 2 start school in Lagos.
Poor girl said when she got here her uncle blatantly refused!!!! She begged and said she would work but he didnt let her! HAAA! Ok she said computer school would suffice! She would manage! Obviously my girl really wanted to learn but the guy said hell no! Ah! He didnt let her get a phone because he felt she would use it and report to her parents or something! See wickedness o! I dont know the resolve they came to..my granny's cook somehow hooked her up with us and now she is our help beauty! 20 years old..trying to make a way 4 herself in this cruel world...confused as ever but waking up everyday! Helping me iron when i cnt b bothered...or quickly make egg in th morning b4 i zip 2 work (yea if my parents find tht she is doin these things 4 me they may flip...dont ask..they just think im really spoilt...i wonder where they got that idea from *iConfuse*) taking the verbal abuse from my mum...(my mum has some hot ass disses men nd she hates when ppl r slow...she has also been spoilt by hvn excllent help in the past she is finding it difficult 2 cope wiv mediocre...cant blame my mum much then!)
My point is...i know we all have our stories nd stuff...nd we think we are the toilets and the shit is on us! However!!! People would give heaven and earth to be where you are now!Yes u have probably heard this a million times but men! With The killings in Jos, earthquakes everywhere (well almost), random deaths...i dont know if its age making me realise these things more but...LIFE IS SHORT O!!! Nd unless u have a terminal disease u r not really expecting death! COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS!! No seriously take a lil time out rite now...and count them! If you can count 1! You have been truly blessed cuz there are some people that have been seriously blinded by the tears and the 180 degree change (from bad to WORST...yes i said worst)in their state of living! Jesus i thank you for all you have given me that i know i do not deserve any more than those that do not have them especially as i am no better! Forgive me for all the trivial complaints i make cuz of my short sightedness and my lack of faith and the real sens of love! Lord help me understand what it all means and act accordingly...in Jesus name...Amen
Well im not gonna say if u dont say that prayer and pass it on to 365 people, ur generation will suffer and you will have scoliosis...just say it...
I meant to blog about somn else...some random stuff inspired by a good friends post...but men...im sure it wud have ben a sad post like the rest! Of which im beginnin to think people see me as quite the pathetic soul...NO O!!! I just bruise easily...and tho healing takes a while....it does happen....

HEWEEEE!!! What is happening o!!!!

O....k! I shall try my best and update you as much as possible! First of all..HEEEEYYYY! I want 2 imagine someone is reading this! Now playing- Scratching me up- Trey Songz *blush* My mind needs utmost flushing whaaaaa!!! The Trey Songz sef his own is too much kai! SMH! Moving On! Dunno if u have read any of my earlier posts but there was one about me doing what i really wanna do....involving music..remember Yea didnt think you would but yea..High School Musical came 2 Lagos o!!! I heard it and laughed the first time.then found myself fighting wiv myself 2 buy the form/card or whateva! Im like ok..shebi im always shouting on myself lemme go nd do somn init! Well i went back and forth on it..then i found out u didnt only have 2 sing but dance and act as well...Then i RAN!!! Ah i can dance nd all but im not a routine type person..acting...hmmm apart from me tryna do stuff in front of the mirror..correctin those poor actors nd actresses on that show Tinsel...or almost any Nollywood production...i havent done shit!
After much convincing i went and did it o! Went into the audition after having practiced get it together by India Arie o! That is how i started singing Stella Damasus jus stopped me! In my mind i was like this woman is smilin but has told me 2 stop ha! *perspiration* then she says that is her fave song and artiste so she is biased already. I decided 2 sing Halo- beyonce...they stopped me again nd said i shud sing Silent Night..i was really bothered and i am goin 2 ask y they did that! But yea i made it thru....they liked me! :) So they put me in group auditions for the next flippin day! i looked at my group members and was like men...these books shud pls not look like their covers o! We tried 2 b innovative 2 some extent...ddnt hv enuf time 2 get it togetha...smh. I pity my reputation when auditions go on air! CHAI!!!!
But yea i made it through that as well! Now im supposed 2 b off 2 boot camp! Dunno if im going to go though..im stll going back and forth on makin this decision but going by what the organisers said this would b an awesome opportunity men!
Howeva..these r the reasons i have 4 not goin..work, i feel old...in comparison 2 the rest of the contestants...dunno how bad that is 4 me! Im probably scared 4 the wrong reasons.if i was younger i wud probably b more excited..but i am goin 2 do this... I shud...its on a freakin gold platter 4 goodness sakes! (incase you are wondering this is me fightin with myself again) Yes...

Now randomly i shall say this...i think im really dumb! Nd all this givin people chances sux bull dick!!! I dont care..this is how i feel atm...and im still playing it cool (by now u shud have gesd im talkin abt a guy..the 1 i talked about in my last post) Newayz he is an ass guy...cant blame him...i have none! I should be able to move on from this....nd i shall whether he is still claimin feelings or not...I dont understand how likin somebody can b with only mouth o! What i want is what i wat...i would really appreciate some form of communication...seeing you more than once in a week even if its jus the beginnin! Ahah is that not the time you are supposed 2 b excited about somebody u like??? Or is it just me...mayb this my 'old' age is 4 show! Lemme go nd sit down in a corner...thank God im learning 2 like myself...and i am dont get it twisted!!! Sigh...i shall shut up about htis pathetic situation...But come iz it that i want a boyfriend tht bad...im not lonely...i have gotn used 2 bein alone but i want 1! Yes im not even tryna front! Got a problem?? I think bein a stiffy/ a pimp is the way now tho...bein totally honest wiv myself! I miss my ex- Chuka...sigh sigh sigh....

On another random note...My parents are gettin on my nerves and it has 2 do with how they relate with each other...not even me...it has gotten the stage where im like y did u guys even bother 4 goodness sake! Nd it wasnt by force o! SMH But it comes with the territory i guess! Loooooord please im begging you help me understand what it means 2 b married so we can be happy and our children would be wanting to be like us...thts if i do get married at this rate...

Right now...im hungry

Ok my boss just flipped nd shouted "I fucking love fucking girls" tht first made me fall down laughin! Nd then he explains tht some guy he thinks is gay has been callin him everyday 4 the past week nd sometimes at odd hours of the nite sayin he just wants 2 hear his voice! Lmao!!! I nw said o wow I can just imagine him callin u when u have slept nd saying o wow u sound soo nice when ur drowsy...lmao shiiit I wnt 2 die!!! Nd my boss wants 2 kill me! Lmao!

Ok do I have anything else 2 say? I probably infact I'm sure I do...but I'm jus gonna stop here! *hugzzzz n kisses* 4 u!!! Yes u!!!!

I have taken my current state of mind nd thrown it on this page!! **Splitter Splatter Bish Bash Bosh**

Yea...old crush...thats over...New one in the picture...I think i need to stop calling these guys crushes cuz technically u crush on someone in secret rite? Like the one being crushed upon has no idea or does but hasnt confirmed it or acts entirely oblivious to the fact...rite?? Well if i am rite (which i think i am) then i dont hv crushes much...ok i have 1!!! My twitter crush actually...he probably even knows or has guessed but...whatever (yea rite im cringin at the thot *i roll my eyes at myself)
New feel good song!!! And of course it is playing now- Under G- Sauce Kid The best i know of this guy outside his music career is that he is a bloody joker...nd maybe not to bright (this i deciphered from his tweets)But yea this is a jam...i have alredi imagined dancing to it on a nite out...as usual! Don Jazzy made the beat and i must say the guy was born wid it!!!He is sooo good! That being said...i shud go back to the thought process that pushed me to this blog when i have shit loads of work 2 do! (Y am i complainin like that is normal...i smh at myself)

Yea so there is a new guy in the picture...ok i shall not be presumptious like i have been with the past 3/4 guys...this one is also "not rushing" into a relationship. Ok i have decided not to look down on myself in this situation and say he probably takes commitment serrsli nd does not wnt to desecrate it! (Self deceit is the WORST) But yea...he has said he likes me a lot...isnt rushin into anything but isnt goin anywhere...jst incase there r stuff we find out we dont like about each other...
Well im not expecting him to be alredi jumpin to that but em...that lil...dunno whether to call it a disclaimer/comment worries me ever so slightly...nd i have deceived myself again...it worries me PERIOD! But well in what capacity would i be givin him any headache about meeting any demands...i am just biding my time...or at least tryin 2! What annoys me tho is that i have the tendency to act like someone hu has a tickin biological clock...like wtf!!! Well i guess i just wanna feel legitimately special..its been a while! Guys are stupid...nd so am i...we should both be stoned...but me not so much...THANX! I havent had a proper boyfriend in a while! Does this devalue me in anyway i wonder?? Sigh.... MOVING ON!!!
We connect on a musical level *excellente* ...he is older...i like his size :D ...he is a bit of a critic...or shud i say a realist cuz he says whats good...but he really likes thick women. So em...even though he has explained how every guy wants 1 huge house wiv lots of rooms and loads of cars but is content wiv the nice home he's got...i still give the situation *side eye* since i am not a thickie...hehehe. But yea im dealing. I feel vulnerable tho...like i really dnt wanna b taken advantage of. I dont hv 2 sleep wiv u to feel used...my actions, how i jus wanna help u...if one jus doesnt value that...it cuts fuckin deep...nd if this one cuts deep...HA! I dunno if i still have gas o! Even tho im on the optimistic tip...i dunno...baby steps is key tho! Abi?? He is cute tho still...

I was thinkin a few days back...as much as everyone is talking about living in the real world i have a feeling we base our lifestyles on one of the fast growin addictive things...no i dont mean a blackberry...i mean tv shows! Like think about it...u find out your person identifies with a character in a tv show and BAM!!! Some things just fall into place...like how that persons work/love life turned out on the show is almost expected to apply to u... At this point i also just realised that i may be talkin to myself alone...LoL...i dont get thrown by it sha...i wake up sometimes nd im like...ok i may share quite a few modus operands wiv Meredith nd Izzy (Grey's Anatomy), or Susan (Desperate Housewives) but yea they r written up nd i am responsible 4 writin mines! Sigh...did u notice the type of characters im sayin i could b like....the most times annoyin nd seemingly pathetic ones...LoL Im better off tho... im real!! But yea thats that as per this thought on lives nd tv shows....yes i know...iz random...then again... IS IT YOUR BLOG!!! LoL...O dear!

Im seriously considering not relaxing my hair till June...Did it 1st week in Jan...wanna see wht it wud luk like...hopefully my plan works...i miss my hair men! I have serrsli fucked it up over time!!!

A friend of mine and i had a somewhat huge blow out about a year ago...as in i was really hurt...nd maybe she was as well but in my opinion i was wronged...she may say same too but...making assumptions about me that discredit my character go deep. We apologised nd r kinda talkin now but not as much as b4...I miss her...a lot! One time i thot we had crossed the bridge but i found a msg 2 someone else which clearly indicated that we had not...nd that cut me again...the "sorta talkin" started after that but i cant go back there again...but i miss her! She called me on her birthday this year...the way she wud hv usually called me when we were buddies nd i almost cried...i caught my breath nd everything...but there hasnt been a rpt of that. Maybe i shud call her...i probably wud... *i bruise easily* Where they sell tough skin at?!?!
Funny thing is as soft as i think i am...i have chested a few things..like even in this man situation...ah i suppose curse some...or jus stop talkin to some...but i jus do. I thank God 4 the gift...this is me being positive abt lukn stupid to most when seen talkin to a supposed "wrong doer" LoL...Omdayzzz i need to give myself more credit!!! SERIOUSLY There r people worse off!!! (This is me shoutin at myself) U see i figured this is wht i do...i wanna say the shit stuff i think r wrong wiv me first so b4 u say it...if ur alredi thinkin it...u kinda know i know so it doesnt luk that stupid. But sometimes...when u still say it after me... iz still painful!!! So my bestos says i shud stop sayin crap...it obviously doesnt put me a step ahead...then if u say it to me...i shud say "Ehn go nd chop beanz nd mind ur business" Ok y lie she ddnt say tht...i dnt rmba exactly so i made up my own words...it captures the msg still...nd this post is loooooong! I can like to go home tho!!!

**Kisses Love Peace nd Afro Grease**

I paused while in motion...

Advantages of working near your house (i didnt say home cuz it is yet to feel like one to me...or hasnt for a while...infact it only really does when my siblings are at home)So yea i 4got to take my meds this morning so i quickly "tuski'd" (used a bajaj) to nd fro 2 pick it up! Nd on this breezy ride apart from reminiscing on my luv 4 bikes and how i used to want one instead of a car b4...i asked myself and honest question. Tola y have u not been prayin? I mean there is morning devotion nd i have my deep thots where i would really appreciate it if i knew for sure God was listening but honestly i havent really been communing with God on any level. I have been thinking about this for a while and seen that there have been times where i have been on the way to being totally commit ed to His cause and prayed all day nd nite...with meaning sometimes tears, sometimes lying on the floor...but that is becomin my past now. Y? Was it cuz then i needed something and was so desperate to have it? I guess so and thats soooo wrong!
Then again now i think to myself...in what capacity doi now as someone that has back slidden in some way have any right to ask God for ANYTHING! Like he must be sick of me by now..but yes i look at him with my limited knowledge and my narrow mind...cuz thats y He is God! He is NOT like man...in anyway! Nd as humble as not being able to approach Hs throne of mercy and grace cuz u feel u dont deserve anything...it can be looked upon as the pride that cometh before a fall cuz it seems like...u dont wanna fess up properli or u dont wanna hear "I told u so"
This goes to show that we dont even listen to the basic things we r told about God...HE IS MERCIFUL! Not that we shud take the mick o! But he forgives and forgets...
I think thats the main problem a lot of us tryna find ourselves in God have...we r looking at him through human eyes...eyes that are yet 2 understand! After this blog post i wnt 2 pray...nd i know that my mouth wud b sealed 4 a long time (Yea thats another thing...during prayer i need to SPEAK more and not say it in my mind...most of the crap i shudnt say i do say em but when it comes to glorifying God i seem to wanna act "civilised" sometimes. Im thankful that has changed tho...i am more open now than b4)
I really dont wanna preach cuz if thats the case i shud b standing at the very fore front of my own congregation but men I NEED JESUS!!!
But yea...whoever reads this...if u r not prayin to God...pls try to! He is listening i believe...bout anything...Hopefully i listen to this...