HEWEEEE!!! What is happening o!!!!

O....k! I shall try my best and update you as much as possible! First of all..HEEEEYYYY! I want 2 imagine someone is reading this! Now playing- Scratching me up- Trey Songz *blush* My mind needs utmost flushing whaaaaa!!! The Trey Songz sef his own is too much kai! SMH! Moving On! Dunno if u have read any of my earlier posts but there was one about me doing what i really wanna do....involving music..remember Yea didnt think you would but yea..High School Musical came 2 Lagos o!!! I heard it and laughed the first time.then found myself fighting wiv myself 2 buy the form/card or whateva! Im like ok..shebi im always shouting on myself lemme go nd do somn init! Well i went back and forth on it..then i found out u didnt only have 2 sing but dance and act as well...Then i RAN!!! Ah i can dance nd all but im not a routine type person..acting...hmmm apart from me tryna do stuff in front of the mirror..correctin those poor actors nd actresses on that show Tinsel...or almost any Nollywood production...i havent done shit!
After much convincing i went and did it o! Went into the audition after having practiced get it together by India Arie o! That is how i started singing Stella Damasus jus stopped me! In my mind i was like this woman is smilin but has told me 2 stop ha! *perspiration* then she says that is her fave song and artiste so she is biased already. I decided 2 sing Halo- beyonce...they stopped me again nd said i shud sing Silent Night..i was really bothered and i am goin 2 ask y they did that! But yea i made it thru....they liked me! :) So they put me in group auditions for the next flippin day! i looked at my group members and was like men...these books shud pls not look like their covers o! We tried 2 b innovative 2 some extent...ddnt hv enuf time 2 get it togetha...smh. I pity my reputation when auditions go on air! CHAI!!!!
But yea i made it through that as well! Now im supposed 2 b off 2 boot camp! Dunno if im going to go though..im stll going back and forth on makin this decision but going by what the organisers said this would b an awesome opportunity men!
Howeva..these r the reasons i have 4 not goin..work, i feel old...in comparison 2 the rest of the contestants...dunno how bad that is 4 me! Im probably scared 4 the wrong reasons.if i was younger i wud probably b more excited..but i am goin 2 do this... I shud...its on a freakin gold platter 4 goodness sakes! (incase you are wondering this is me fightin with myself again) Yes...

Now randomly i shall say this...i think im really dumb! Nd all this givin people chances sux bull dick!!! I dont care..this is how i feel atm...and im still playing it cool (by now u shud have gesd im talkin abt a guy..the 1 i talked about in my last post) Newayz he is an ass guy...cant blame him...i have none! I should be able to move on from this....nd i shall whether he is still claimin feelings or not...I dont understand how likin somebody can b with only mouth o! What i want is what i wat...i would really appreciate some form of communication...seeing you more than once in a week even if its jus the beginnin! Ahah is that not the time you are supposed 2 b excited about somebody u like??? Or is it just me...mayb this my 'old' age is 4 show! Lemme go nd sit down in a corner...thank God im learning 2 like myself...and i am dont get it twisted!!! Sigh...i shall shut up about htis pathetic situation...But come iz it that i want a boyfriend tht bad...im not lonely...i have gotn used 2 bein alone but i want 1! Yes im not even tryna front! Got a problem?? I think bein a stiffy/ a pimp is the way now tho...bein totally honest wiv myself! I miss my ex- Chuka...sigh sigh sigh....

On another random note...My parents are gettin on my nerves and it has 2 do with how they relate with each other...not even me...it has gotten the stage where im like y did u guys even bother 4 goodness sake! Nd it wasnt by force o! SMH But it comes with the territory i guess! Loooooord please im begging you help me understand what it means 2 b married so we can be happy and our children would be wanting to be like us...thts if i do get married at this rate...

Right now...im hungry

Ok my boss just flipped nd shouted "I fucking love fucking girls" tht first made me fall down laughin! Nd then he explains tht some guy he thinks is gay has been callin him everyday 4 the past week nd sometimes at odd hours of the nite sayin he just wants 2 hear his voice! Lmao!!! I nw said o wow I can just imagine him callin u when u have slept nd saying o wow u sound soo nice when ur drowsy...lmao shiiit I wnt 2 die!!! Nd my boss wants 2 kill me! Lmao!

Ok do I have anything else 2 say? I probably infact I'm sure I do...but I'm jus gonna stop here! *hugzzzz n kisses* 4 u!!! Yes u!!!!

I have taken my current state of mind nd thrown it on this page!! **Splitter Splatter Bish Bash Bosh**

Yea...old crush...thats over...New one in the picture...I think i need to stop calling these guys crushes cuz technically u crush on someone in secret rite? Like the one being crushed upon has no idea or does but hasnt confirmed it or acts entirely oblivious to the fact...rite?? Well if i am rite (which i think i am) then i dont hv crushes much...ok i have 1!!! My twitter crush actually...he probably even knows or has guessed but...whatever (yea rite im cringin at the thot *i roll my eyes at myself)
New feel good song!!! And of course it is playing now- Under G- Sauce Kid The best i know of this guy outside his music career is that he is a bloody joker...nd maybe not to bright (this i deciphered from his tweets)But yea this is a jam...i have alredi imagined dancing to it on a nite out...as usual! Don Jazzy made the beat and i must say the guy was born wid it!!!He is sooo good! That being said...i shud go back to the thought process that pushed me to this blog when i have shit loads of work 2 do! (Y am i complainin like that is normal...i smh at myself)

Yea so there is a new guy in the picture...ok i shall not be presumptious like i have been with the past 3/4 guys...this one is also "not rushing" into a relationship. Ok i have decided not to look down on myself in this situation and say he probably takes commitment serrsli nd does not wnt to desecrate it! (Self deceit is the WORST) But yea...he has said he likes me a lot...isnt rushin into anything but isnt goin anywhere...jst incase there r stuff we find out we dont like about each other...
Well im not expecting him to be alredi jumpin to that but em...that lil...dunno whether to call it a disclaimer/comment worries me ever so slightly...nd i have deceived myself again...it worries me PERIOD! But well in what capacity would i be givin him any headache about meeting any demands...i am just biding my time...or at least tryin 2! What annoys me tho is that i have the tendency to act like someone hu has a tickin biological clock...like wtf!!! Well i guess i just wanna feel legitimately special..its been a while! Guys are stupid...nd so am i...we should both be stoned...but me not so much...THANX! I havent had a proper boyfriend in a while! Does this devalue me in anyway i wonder?? Sigh.... MOVING ON!!!
We connect on a musical level *excellente* ...he is older...i like his size :D ...he is a bit of a critic...or shud i say a realist cuz he says whats good...but he really likes thick women. So em...even though he has explained how every guy wants 1 huge house wiv lots of rooms and loads of cars but is content wiv the nice home he's got...i still give the situation *side eye* since i am not a thickie...hehehe. But yea im dealing. I feel vulnerable tho...like i really dnt wanna b taken advantage of. I dont hv 2 sleep wiv u to feel used...my actions, how i jus wanna help u...if one jus doesnt value that...it cuts fuckin deep...nd if this one cuts deep...HA! I dunno if i still have gas o! Even tho im on the optimistic tip...i dunno...baby steps is key tho! Abi?? He is cute tho still...

I was thinkin a few days back...as much as everyone is talking about living in the real world i have a feeling we base our lifestyles on one of the fast growin addictive things...no i dont mean a blackberry...i mean tv shows! Like think about it...u find out your person identifies with a character in a tv show and BAM!!! Some things just fall into place...like how that persons work/love life turned out on the show is almost expected to apply to u... At this point i also just realised that i may be talkin to myself alone...LoL...i dont get thrown by it sha...i wake up sometimes nd im like...ok i may share quite a few modus operands wiv Meredith nd Izzy (Grey's Anatomy), or Susan (Desperate Housewives) but yea they r written up nd i am responsible 4 writin mines! Sigh...did u notice the type of characters im sayin i could b like....the most times annoyin nd seemingly pathetic ones...LoL Im better off tho... im real!! But yea thats that as per this thought on lives nd tv shows....yes i know...iz random...then again... IS IT YOUR BLOG!!! LoL...O dear!

Im seriously considering not relaxing my hair till June...Did it 1st week in Jan...wanna see wht it wud luk like...hopefully my plan works...i miss my hair men! I have serrsli fucked it up over time!!!

A friend of mine and i had a somewhat huge blow out about a year ago...as in i was really hurt...nd maybe she was as well but in my opinion i was wronged...she may say same too but...making assumptions about me that discredit my character go deep. We apologised nd r kinda talkin now but not as much as b4...I miss her...a lot! One time i thot we had crossed the bridge but i found a msg 2 someone else which clearly indicated that we had not...nd that cut me again...the "sorta talkin" started after that but i cant go back there again...but i miss her! She called me on her birthday this year...the way she wud hv usually called me when we were buddies nd i almost cried...i caught my breath nd everything...but there hasnt been a rpt of that. Maybe i shud call her...i probably wud... *i bruise easily* Where they sell tough skin at?!?!
Funny thing is as soft as i think i am...i have chested a few things..like even in this man situation...ah i suppose curse some...or jus stop talkin to some...but i jus do. I thank God 4 the gift...this is me being positive abt lukn stupid to most when seen talkin to a supposed "wrong doer" LoL...Omdayzzz i need to give myself more credit!!! SERIOUSLY There r people worse off!!! (This is me shoutin at myself) U see i figured this is wht i do...i wanna say the shit stuff i think r wrong wiv me first so b4 u say it...if ur alredi thinkin it...u kinda know i know so it doesnt luk that stupid. But sometimes...when u still say it after me... iz still painful!!! So my bestos says i shud stop sayin crap...it obviously doesnt put me a step ahead...then if u say it to me...i shud say "Ehn go nd chop beanz nd mind ur business" Ok y lie she ddnt say tht...i dnt rmba exactly so i made up my own words...it captures the msg still...nd this post is loooooong! I can like to go home tho!!!

**Kisses Love Peace nd Afro Grease**

I paused while in motion...

Advantages of working near your house (i didnt say home cuz it is yet to feel like one to me...or hasnt for a while...infact it only really does when my siblings are at home)So yea i 4got to take my meds this morning so i quickly "tuski'd" (used a bajaj) to nd fro 2 pick it up! Nd on this breezy ride apart from reminiscing on my luv 4 bikes and how i used to want one instead of a car b4...i asked myself and honest question. Tola y have u not been prayin? I mean there is morning devotion nd i have my deep thots where i would really appreciate it if i knew for sure God was listening but honestly i havent really been communing with God on any level. I have been thinking about this for a while and seen that there have been times where i have been on the way to being totally commit ed to His cause and prayed all day nd nite...with meaning sometimes tears, sometimes lying on the floor...but that is becomin my past now. Y? Was it cuz then i needed something and was so desperate to have it? I guess so and thats soooo wrong!
Then again now i think to myself...in what capacity doi now as someone that has back slidden in some way have any right to ask God for ANYTHING! Like he must be sick of me by now..but yes i look at him with my limited knowledge and my narrow mind...cuz thats y He is God! He is NOT like man...in anyway! Nd as humble as not being able to approach Hs throne of mercy and grace cuz u feel u dont deserve anything...it can be looked upon as the pride that cometh before a fall cuz it seems like...u dont wanna fess up properli or u dont wanna hear "I told u so"
This goes to show that we dont even listen to the basic things we r told about God...HE IS MERCIFUL! Not that we shud take the mick o! But he forgives and forgets...
I think thats the main problem a lot of us tryna find ourselves in God have...we r looking at him through human eyes...eyes that are yet 2 understand! After this blog post i wnt 2 pray...nd i know that my mouth wud b sealed 4 a long time (Yea thats another thing...during prayer i need to SPEAK more and not say it in my mind...most of the crap i shudnt say i do say em but when it comes to glorifying God i seem to wanna act "civilised" sometimes. Im thankful that has changed tho...i am more open now than b4)
I really dont wanna preach cuz if thats the case i shud b standing at the very fore front of my own congregation but men I NEED JESUS!!!
But yea...whoever reads this...if u r not prayin to God...pls try to! He is listening i believe...bout anything...Hopefully i listen to this...

"Unwritten Rules"

This is too random! Wrote it a while ago nd its in my opinion entirely! Feel free to say whatever...I just think life is too short for some things! :)

Seriously where do these rules come from I wonder…”As my friend thou shall not date my ex” I have heard this so many times I can honestly say it thoroughly amuses me now. Ahah! Don’t people see how illogical it is? Before anyone attacks me and says “Ehn its because it has never happened to you that’s why you are mouthing off!” I can proudly say (yes proudly because im alive now contrary to what everyone believes) that it has.
Now listen, Im not even going to say it doesn’t hurt because it does…but so does the mosquito bite you are going to get tomorrow or the next disappointment.
In this small world we live in, placing “No. Plate” on someone’s head makes no sense!
Ok look at a group of friends that go out together and meet the same people (which is almost always the case) and you in that manner create a network which is bound to grow especially in this small Lagos! Almost everyone would know everyone. Now in my age group hormones are raging on a daily…yes we are on our grind, paper chasing, dreaming big (I am proud of us “80’s babies by the way) but almost everyone is looking for that “hook-ups” LoL. Whether it’s for the mean time, to love and to cherish now and forever, or for the next 4 hours after a night of serious raving!
Anyway, the point is that dating within your social circle is almost inevitable (this does not apply to those that patronize the internet dating sites…though you may get a few surprises there. I mean you don’t know how many of your friends are as *sad/desperate as you are. LoL) So with this inevitability of interlocking social circles and raging hormones and all other factors existing in this day and age…you want to restrict human beings from liking and getting involved with people they know? I don’t know about you but I don’t think its worth it. I think the introduction of these complexities only leads to more drama that could have been avoided in the first place…as we all know! LoL
You want an example? Fine! Girl meets boy, they like each other, they have a good thing going on and then it collapses. Boy while with girl knew girl’s friend and developed feelings for her and girls friend being human thinks about it and sees that boy isn’t so bad. However, this unwritten rule about not dating a friends ex makes her question her allegiances and where they lie. She knows she already likes him so this is a lost cause and her trying to ignore it makes no sense because the suppression makes the feelings stronger…and isn’t it so weird how it is when this starts that she sees Boy a lot more than before…*sigh* life is well funny. But anyway guys being guys would not let up on the feelings they have developed and would find every reason to see Girls friend and convince her that its no big deal if they get together. Girl hears gist about this and gets suspicious, stops talking to friend and confronts boy (which I can never get over… Pshyco’s!!! I HAIL YOU) and thereby riles herself up and creates and awkward situation (its long abi?? You see what I mean?) Boy and Girls friend start sneaking around and make their hooking up look like a bigger deal than it actually is and it creates a “scandal” (I like using such words..LoL) which is interesting for the viewers but not a nice experience for those involved...people are called names, characters are slaughtered, hearts are clawed at…NOT WORTH IT!!!

Why cant we all just get along? Like I said earlier I know it hurts…deal with it like it could be you in your friends shoes…nd they wud fit perfectly!
O yes don’t doubt it!!!

Ps. Pleeeeeeease! If this offends u in anyway or whatever feel free to air ur views but this in NO WAY implies that cuz these are my beliefs i wud go out of my way to have a friends boyfriend/ex or whatever. So dont let ur deranged mind take u down that road...Im a decent girlfriend nd those who know this know this very well :)

This i wrote a while ago....wanted to modify it just now but i ges i wud just write somn else and leave this unadulterated! Hu i had in mind when i wrote this i really cant remember...thats if there was anyone to be honest but yea...i really feel this way when i think about my future Mr. Me!! He hu shall see me nd even in my irregularities love me...and want 2 do everything to make me Mrs. Him! Cuz i would do same and much more... God wiling


He would recognise me and I him
By that light that God would not let dim
We would understand each other and complement each other
Have more than deep loving feelings for each other
I have been thinking about him for so long
Day in and day out...not in a way that is wrong
His smile, his sweet voice, his words of encouragement
The way I would always be given acknowledgement
How he wisely talks to me andturns to God at all times
How with me he is always able to read between the lines
The way we would love each other
And know that Gods way and not ours is better
The way he would be my rock and I his
The way I know when it comes to him I aim to please
How he appreciates the little that I do
How when I’m feeling low he says “My baby I love you but most importantly Jesus loves you too”
The way our kids think he is the best
How they understand that “yes from us....daddy expects nothing less"
How my opinions matter in decisions that need to be made
How I respect his personal decisions even though my hopes may be re-slated
How I respect and treat him like the king I know God has made him to be
How I can be humble before him and know that he will always love me
God bless you baby, I love you and I know my heart beats strongly for you daily
You are my husband, my friend, my God sent, my shining star
I pray for you every day for only God knows where and who you are

The obvious....

"I'm already used to the way things are. Before you came i was thinking about how much time i had wasted in the same place, while my friends had moved on, and either went bankrupt or did better than they had before. It made me very depressed. Now i can see that it hasn't been too bad. The shop is exactly the size i always wanted it to be. I don't want to change anything because i don't know how to deal with change. I'm used to the way i am."
This i read in a fictional book and many books have described the way i feel about something or some sort of personality i have but this is just too apt about what has been most important to me of recent now that i am out in the world...i know this applies to a lot of people but it makes a lot of stuff clear to me...and what it is i need to do....Wow i knew i was scared but I'm also content in my unhappiness! Not content in every sense of the word but i am used to it...and that would not get me anywhere.
My friend gave me this book...The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho...wow!First of all God would shall bless her mightily! She knew i needed it. From the beginning i knew i would discover something about me...or find something i have always known in black and white which is exactly what happened!
I don't want to say all what the book is about but i strongly suggest that if u have no idea of why u r where u r but u dream nd in ur dreams alone is where u find ur happiness then you need to read this. No jokes! God is at its centre as well...its not religious but it talks about purpose and i thank God for the mind he has given me cuz contrary to what i usually think (which is that i a not very bright) i have been able to analyse this book very well. Lets just say the introduction helps but i have opened my eyes tho.
i have talent and i have dreams in which these talents are realised and brought about to bless loads of people nd where i am known for it/the but im yet to realise any of this. I am the queen of excuses...my excuses seem so important as well or valid as the case may be which is ever so often! But im getting a stirring now. I think God has put me in an atmosphere all of a sudden where im beginning to believe...be less afraid...im getting happier...i am alone thi i know...i feel lonely everyday and its unfortunate that most times its where i should feel the most love but i have to overcome that. And i will...i just have to never forget....and always always want my dreams to come true...I am grateful!

Blah Blah Bleehhhh

We all say life sux...till its cut short...then that sux more! Jus heard someone died this morning. Young guy about my age was robbed and then shot...im trying not to cry! Yea i dunno him but thing is 2 days ago i heard a cousin of mine died in Haiti on the day of the earthquake. I was stunned! I hvnt cried yet but this news about the other guy is kinda triggerin emotions i hav suppressed! I mean i felt for Haiti but i ddnt know it was tht close to home! Yea incase ur wonderng she was workin in the UN there so she wasnt some jobless Nigerian lookn 4 *greener pastures* or anything like that! We werent close as such but...she was sooo nice nd she just got married nd just had 2 kids men! Like serrsli wtf!! Nd then tht lunatic tht calls herself the first lady of my country is still alive! Infact almost all the idiots in power in my country are still alive while someone with such a spirit dies! They shud b very afraid 4 death cometh around the corner if it has picked up tht good soul alredi. Woiii!
Nd then th foolish robbers that took this young chaps life...i really want 2 get into their minds and see wht it is they see tht makes them take wht is someone else's property by force nd then kill them. Cuz i cant lie to begin to fathom it mite give me a head ache.
Human beings are just wonderful i tell u...nd these murderers will actually try nd justify their actions. Thts the scary bit...Well from my side of the fence i see the world facing the sun nd they may b facing the dark clouds (not to say im a saint or anything...far from infact) but meeeen!I want a gun but its not to kill people...wll innocent ppl at least! Who am i to judge anyway im sure someone under the sun wudnt mind takin me out...LoL

Am i done venting...i think so...i am now goin 2 unlock the happy thots in my head nd make good use of them (yes someone has bn kissed of recent...and i pronounce the kissing awesome!)So i shall relive that moment...nd lock these ones up...if i can...