This i wrote a while ago....wanted to modify it just now but i ges i wud just write somn else and leave this unadulterated! Hu i had in mind when i wrote this i really cant remember...thats if there was anyone to be honest but yea...i really feel this way when i think about my future Mr. Me!! He hu shall see me nd even in my irregularities love me...and want 2 do everything to make me Mrs. Him! Cuz i would do same and much more... God wiling


He would recognise me and I him
By that light that God would not let dim
We would understand each other and complement each other
Have more than deep loving feelings for each other
I have been thinking about him for so long
Day in and day out...not in a way that is wrong
His smile, his sweet voice, his words of encouragement
The way I would always be given acknowledgement
How he wisely talks to me andturns to God at all times
How with me he is always able to read between the lines
The way we would love each other
And know that Gods way and not ours is better
The way he would be my rock and I his
The way I know when it comes to him I aim to please
How he appreciates the little that I do
How when I’m feeling low he says “My baby I love you but most importantly Jesus loves you too”
The way our kids think he is the best
How they understand that “yes from us....daddy expects nothing less"
How my opinions matter in decisions that need to be made
How I respect his personal decisions even though my hopes may be re-slated
How I respect and treat him like the king I know God has made him to be
How I can be humble before him and know that he will always love me
God bless you baby, I love you and I know my heart beats strongly for you daily
You are my husband, my friend, my God sent, my shining star
I pray for you every day for only God knows where and who you are

The obvious....

"I'm already used to the way things are. Before you came i was thinking about how much time i had wasted in the same place, while my friends had moved on, and either went bankrupt or did better than they had before. It made me very depressed. Now i can see that it hasn't been too bad. The shop is exactly the size i always wanted it to be. I don't want to change anything because i don't know how to deal with change. I'm used to the way i am."
This i read in a fictional book and many books have described the way i feel about something or some sort of personality i have but this is just too apt about what has been most important to me of recent now that i am out in the world...i know this applies to a lot of people but it makes a lot of stuff clear to me...and what it is i need to do....Wow i knew i was scared but I'm also content in my unhappiness! Not content in every sense of the word but i am used to it...and that would not get me anywhere.
My friend gave me this book...The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho...wow!First of all God would shall bless her mightily! She knew i needed it. From the beginning i knew i would discover something about me...or find something i have always known in black and white which is exactly what happened!
I don't want to say all what the book is about but i strongly suggest that if u have no idea of why u r where u r but u dream nd in ur dreams alone is where u find ur happiness then you need to read this. No jokes! God is at its centre as well...its not religious but it talks about purpose and i thank God for the mind he has given me cuz contrary to what i usually think (which is that i a not very bright) i have been able to analyse this book very well. Lets just say the introduction helps but i have opened my eyes tho.
i have talent and i have dreams in which these talents are realised and brought about to bless loads of people nd where i am known for it/the but im yet to realise any of this. I am the queen of excuses...my excuses seem so important as well or valid as the case may be which is ever so often! But im getting a stirring now. I think God has put me in an atmosphere all of a sudden where im beginning to believe...be less afraid...im getting happier...i am alone thi i know...i feel lonely everyday and its unfortunate that most times its where i should feel the most love but i have to overcome that. And i will...i just have to never forget....and always always want my dreams to come true...I am grateful!

Blah Blah Bleehhhh

We all say life sux...till its cut short...then that sux more! Jus heard someone died this morning. Young guy about my age was robbed and then shot...im trying not to cry! Yea i dunno him but thing is 2 days ago i heard a cousin of mine died in Haiti on the day of the earthquake. I was stunned! I hvnt cried yet but this news about the other guy is kinda triggerin emotions i hav suppressed! I mean i felt for Haiti but i ddnt know it was tht close to home! Yea incase ur wonderng she was workin in the UN there so she wasnt some jobless Nigerian lookn 4 *greener pastures* or anything like that! We werent close as such but...she was sooo nice nd she just got married nd just had 2 kids men! Like serrsli wtf!! Nd then tht lunatic tht calls herself the first lady of my country is still alive! Infact almost all the idiots in power in my country are still alive while someone with such a spirit dies! They shud b very afraid 4 death cometh around the corner if it has picked up tht good soul alredi. Woiii!
Nd then th foolish robbers that took this young chaps life...i really want 2 get into their minds and see wht it is they see tht makes them take wht is someone else's property by force nd then kill them. Cuz i cant lie to begin to fathom it mite give me a head ache.
Human beings are just wonderful i tell u...nd these murderers will actually try nd justify their actions. Thts the scary bit...Well from my side of the fence i see the world facing the sun nd they may b facing the dark clouds (not to say im a saint or anything...far from infact) but meeeen!I want a gun but its not to kill people...wll innocent ppl at least! Who am i to judge anyway im sure someone under the sun wudnt mind takin me out...LoL

Am i done venting...i think so...i am now goin 2 unlock the happy thots in my head nd make good use of them (yes someone has bn kissed of recent...and i pronounce the kissing awesome!)So i shall relive that moment...nd lock these ones up...if i can...

*UnPublished RanDom Post*

#nowplaying Say Aaaah- Trey Songz ft. Fabulous... My new feel good jam! It just puts me in that frame of mind you know. One of genuine happiness...me with the important people in my life...listening to it with the bass where it should be...dancing and smiling! Being merry and doing a particular step for a certain part...hahaha *good times*
Music and dancing....singing...peaceful...includes a lot of sound but for me i find peace in this glorious noise. I just set it to repeat because i need this feeling...its faint now because my mum has found yet another reason to call me a disgrace...i didnt put the umbrella back in her car. Then she goes off on this tangent that makes no sense...im sorry i didnt put it back in your car but honestly i am a let down because of that? This song may not help as much as i need to...*put it on repeat*
This week was supposed to be good...woke up with the positive attitude on monday and everything...made plans to do better at everthing and then the little things that just mess with me started happening (my stalker just called...i shall write about him later)
Am i really honestly this dumb tho like seriously i have been told to go and pray because thats the only thing that can save me at ths point....that i need to check my conscience...and that the only thing i have going for me is that i am a nice person and i cant live on that because its not enough...all this and more (contact the parental unit for more details)I shall have a written self evaluation soonish and be as honest as possible! *Stifling back tears* FFS!!!
#Random How do you take your heart off your sleeve and your feelings off your chest? You dont know? Shit...When you do let a sister know thank you much!
My heart readily pumps at every single thing..and as rational as my brain is supposed to help me be...it kinda creates a cataclysmic reaction in my heart that makes me feel more! I am my hardest critic cuz Lord knows i should not take some of the shit said to me seriously cause it would ruin me....infact i am now makin a conscious decision not to anymore! Im not that bad...criticsm is accepted but wrong assumptions about my persona will be corrected from here on out!
Tried that on my dad sunday nite...he assumed i didnt give a shit about anyone at home (this is he said after going on a rant about how im frustrated and its not their fault blah blah...well he didnt lie about the frustrated part)I am tired jo...and though i may not look it i am a fighter so i shall not give up!!! Need i say that my feel good song has stopped working and is just playing as my background music in my head nw....


*I wrote this blog yesterday and because of the crap internet i kinda lost what i wrote from my last paragraph till the end and it was a pretty long blog so i am currently trying to remeber everything i wrote yesterday...hope i dont miss anything...not like you would...you dont even know what i wrote*

Yea so i know i told you about my stalker...you would not believe this fellow sat at home ringing random numbers and on his 3rd trial i was the unfortunate oine that picked up! Ok y did i pick up a number i dont know? Well lets start with the fact that i am a recruiter so anyone could be calling me (even though i know i have hardly given out my privte number to any clients...or maybe i am hoping its the love/crush of my life calling me to profess love but has no credit to do that so he is using someone else's fone....NO i am NOT pathetic!!! Thanks for understanding)
So yea i picked up thinking i knew the guy foiund out i didnt and he didnt even know me either so oi begged him to stop calling...well now he calls me three times everyday morning noon and night and sends me txt messages in between! Now why cant the person i have a crush on do that (yes my conscience is nagging that someone else was willing to do that but i didnt want him....thats not my fault...i didnt like him like that! Sorry not yelling at u...yelling at my overly conscious conscience) But serrsli...he doesnt talk much...apart from the fact that i talk enough for the both of us...sigh...i dunno. He is just tooo gorgeous and i looove his voice. Lets face it i adore him...iz probably bad so i guess i should find another crush or more so im dont trip hopelessly for this one yes? LoL
Now playing I like what i see- Mo'Hits I luv the instrumentals...have to give DonJazzy big ups on his beats men...this one makes me feel kinda sexy wiv myself...pouting and tryin 2 raise one eyebrow and imaginin he is standin in front of me...not DonJazzy my crush...and doing what i think i do best...dancing...sigh...MUSIC O! I want to make my own! As in people that make music shud b super proud of themselves men! To me its a beautiful thing to know how to do! One of the most beautiful....top 3...or 2... Another song that has this effect on me is If u want me- MoCheddah Im just grindin my seat in this office...*thots*
This weekend was coolies...had CD on friday...Alize and a movie wiv one of the best girlfriends i cud ask for! Yea i was supposed to b goin wiv my crush. I gathered all the balls to ask him and he said yes then couldnt make it (pls dont feel sorry for me and say he probably didnt wanna come cuz i am struggling enuf wiv that thot already, plus the weeknd bfor he asked me nd i cudnt make it and it wasnt cuz i ddnt want to so i am givin him the BOD :p) So yea went home tipsy and crashed
Staurday did my usual duties and headed off to another of my girlfriends house to hang for the rest of the wknd...was her bday on sunday so we wnt to bacchus on saturday nite...FUNKY HOUSE WOOP! First nite out this year as well...twas good...was high on life then high on vodka nd juice! Danced away as usual..got a compliment (yes it was one and so!)It was suspect in the beginnin sha "Babe how did u lose all that weight?" Ha i took a step back in mock horror in my mind and then he's like u look sooo good now...soo slim *yea baby...get in!!* Ofcourse i was glowin after that! Music was BAM!!!
Sunday my girls 22nd...was stress tryna organise her lil shindig at her house but we did it and it turned out to be rili fun...wiv enuf food as well (trust we were runnin to mallams to charter suya at the last minute...the caterers sent us a measly amount of food and my darling friend did not disappoint me...SHE FREAKED OUT!)

*Interesting fact- My bestie says guys can see desperation in ur eyes when ur single...or can smell when a babe is feelin lonely. Now for a sex we consider to be really daft how the hell are they sensing all these things especially as forming is almost every girls watchword...except a few like me...o snap...i seeee...but i dont go around lookin like im single do i...what does that even look like?

*Interesting fact 2- My cousin likes this girl a whole lot and i basically told him to go for it and he is like "She is too awesome like...i really like her...i cant get with her..." Is that why im single fella's...im too awesome for you to get with? Well that makes me feel a lil better about my status nd any other single lady reading this...i think...hmmmm

Basically weekend was fun...till i got home...reality... Such a shame that when people say get real they actually mean o its the worst not the best that can happen...Y tho? Why is reality the negative ish... Humans we need to reshape the world wiv ourminds cuz what we are seeing is what we are thinking...Think about it take a second...TING!

Now i believe i have satisfied myself and my one reader (or 2/3) my hands are paining me...even though this took me a while since im at work.... Thinking of a way to sign out after every post...lets try this piece of cheese...

~*Love~*Peace~*AfroGrease*~ (How does that look?)

Lamentations according to a frustrated 22 year old living at home :D

Marriage Marriage FLIPPIN MARRIAGE!!! It comes with my age apparently..."so who is your boyfriend? when do you plan on getting married?" Very popular these days....KMT! I swear there was a time this topic excited me and i wanted to get married asap! I had thought of everything...number of kids...how i would please my husbadn and try and think of everyone else first at all times...(i even wrote a very sweet poem about it on facebook) and it used to make me smile and have goosebumps all over my body and i would smile sheepishly (random-do sheep smile at all? What is sheepish about a smile? Another thing Nigerians came up with?)

Now i can honestly say i am not as inspired by the institution as i once was... i dont believe in it as much anymore. From second hand experience i think i can honestly say it creates miserable people....that infect the rest of the family that they create and really apart from the worries the individuals already have being born into this horrible world the have the added choice to make- to be miserable or not to be miserable like your parents or not?

Now yes this may be a phase i am passing through at the moment with the parents and at the endof the day i may even be the one with the problem (which is very very very possible) but like i said in my previous post...this is MY blog! :D

Now honestly speaking advise i would like to give to women that are married or itching to get married....as normal as it may seem...STOP/DONT BITCH ABOUT YOUR HUSBAND TO YOUR KIDS!!! Same goes for the men but we both know who is most likely going to nag. It doesnt help...if you have advise please give it...by all means. Please refrain from letting your kids know that you have made a mistake in marrying who you are married to and your life would have been so much better if you had married someone else or remained single...you are indirectly thinking tha the existence of your children is regrettable! Think about it.

Plus you are not making their marriages any rosier by giving them a sneak peek at how they should talk to and about their husbands....so their homes would be as messed up as yours? So they would be as miserable as you are or worse! I know its a choice one has to make but still one works with what they know and that is what springs to mind first of all... Please try to think twice before making utterances at home! Speak to your husbands and let THEM know they are being shallow minded sparrows!!

Why am i speaking to the women in particular....the mood of the woman of the house affects the entire home! Except everyone has the ability and the heart to ignore her which i doubt is possible!Gosh! And yes...this is personal!

Married fella's there is no bigger truth than this i tell you....if you act like a fool please remember the probability of your baby girls choosing someone just like you is very very high! So you would almost have no right to vex if she brings a nitwit home and claims she is in love with him. The ones you can see right through are most like you! They mirror you so you recognise them in an instant and you know what you can do so you freak out! KMT! Would now give the poor girl a hard time when is all your damn fault! Even though she hates the things you do...is ashamed of them and has to love you, look you in the face and respect you...YOUR SHIT IS WHAT SHE KNOWS! She sees it in other men and its b*** and she knows he isnt good for her but she cant help it because with you HER DAD she could and she didnt die...so somewhere in her subconscious she thinks he would love her like you do but you and i both know that aint happening...at least not like she wants it to.... Pls ask God to help you refrain from childish activities and dont think your kids dont know....they get to the age where they do undersand and dont know what to do when they realise what you are doing and tehir impression of you goes on a downward spiral but they cant express it.... BOTH OF YOU!!!!

When your kids start acting in ways foreign to you dont go on some rant about how for the life of you you cant imagine how they became that way and thats not how you brought them up....Look inwards....your actions speak waaaaaaay louder than your wise words!

I have said this before...Marriage is not for kids! If you think you are ready and you look inwards and find that you are not mature...DONT TRY IT! (well i said it in pidgin english with a few extras but you get my point still)

Now my prayer is that i use my brain and make the better choice and practice what i am preaching....but we know how

Ps. One could say from reading this post that this girl obviously needs to move out of her home.... maybe its true....maybe its not...

I wonder....

Currently listening to Melanie Fiona's Priceless ... i would have found the lyrics really sweet normally, but atm... i think its desperate...im becoming a cynic (i prayed this time woud never come)

I wonder what it feels like, to meet someone that thinks im too special to be defiled...doesnt want to touch me but just hear me speak and gets inspired by what i have to say. Not want to jump my bones or throw me in bed...just genuinely enjoy my company but love me deeply and desire me but restrain himself just cause he believes im too precious to be man handled.... concernign this #thatisall

Yea...i may never know what that feels like and im not sure i wish it upon myself cause one day i would want to be touched *cough* and he would be "restraining himself" and i would now be frustrated...LoL. Now dont ask me why i think like this...because i wish i knew the answer :D

Been feeling apathetic of recent...my blood needs to un hot for something! What for? I have sooo many ideas but im just so unsure of everything! Uncertainty has to be beginning of death cause i cant lie i feel empty and like a huge under achiever. My mum was right! Im capable of soo much but i dont do shit! Fear....Dear reader....if i have any at all...please do not be afraid! It can eat you alive and when you get your mind back and you look at it...your afraid of absolutely nothing! Sigh...

I can sing...in my opinion anyway (and a few others...many thanx!) and i havent done anything about it...and im almost 23! I have not one song...i have only done covers...i start t write but i cant finish.

I cant draw... or shud i say i am artistically challenged but i have sooo many hot stuff that come into my head...shoes bags dresses tops...COLOURS! They make me smile, give me goosebumps, get me inspired, i aspire and then...its over...till the next feelin comes along. It ends in my head...so much runs around and i have a reason why each of them cant come into frution immediately! Im always scared that i wont do it well just cause when i think its too marvelous for me to pull off.... or i think it wont be unique enough just because someone has done something like it before.

Even simple things like this blog post for instance...i thought up soo many things to write then got carried away with how people wont read it anyway and it just sems insightful to me and no one else so why expect people to be touched in the slightest. Then i went on twitter than back to work and only got back to it today.

I really really really want to strat and finish something this year. Something unique to just me. I have felt like an under achiever for sooooo long and now my years are passing by and my status remins the same. Living in my head is not living at all. I need to do something where it matters most...for others...make an impact you know....and most of all make sure my mum stops calling me names. Cant believe i have started seeing sense in all these kids that have offed their parents...im just a bit smarter...LoL. However before you say so...i know...we all have our problems....well that is why this is my blog so *tongue out*

What shall i start first i wonder...to my inexistent readers....ok i have 2 i think...which shud i start first 1. music 2. clothes 3. shoes??

Yea i know i have my desk job atm... i hope it gets better than this though...

Ok i think i have finally finished this blog post... little drops of water make a mighty ocean i guess...would i finish the next thing tho...i wonder....

T.M.I..... *NowPlaying Something about you- Dr. Sid* I guess im human!

First things first this blog entry is dedicated to Temiloluwa Popoola! *kisses boo*


WOOOOOOOOOOSH!!!! It been a while men! Happy new year! Been meaning to blog but for some reason im only comfortable doing that on my office chair and i only just got back on it yesterday....and yea that story is long. Been through cramps at christmas and full blown tonsilitis during new years....rubbish and nonsense and all my "oboto oyinbo" friends are going back and i havent been able to see them. So much for making plans....sigh...

There has been an engagement ceremony, a wedding, a barbeque, a nite out, cramps, tonsilitis, an amazing kiss, heart break, (my nations president has been M.I.A during all this btw) ....and so on.... and that is all....






Lmao! Imagine if that was how my blog was! Lmao jokes! With just one follower i cant play such games! Hehehe! Here goes the detail...but first the toilet paper in my office bathroom really isnt user friendly! Goooossh!!! I have been bruised (sorry for sharing i just had to).

Engagement and wedding....AWESOME!!!! Even though i was stressed i loved it! My cousin got married...she looked sooooo beautiful...made me want to get married. Just saying marriage is amazing in the sense of what its supposed to be but what it actually is....what i have seen...let just say i have very little faith in the institution...then again it is what you make it isnt it....well thats a story/blog entry for another day... Why did i digress? Lets just say i ccaught the bouquet....effortlessly...i just raised my hands! I was spooked for a little bit definately then it was a joke, well kind of....because all my aunts coming up and saying congratulations and asking for the boyfriend (inexistent as we both know) and telling me about how they got married pretty close to my age and things....i cant lie im a little worried. Im not in a rush and i used to love the idea of marriage...but i think i did for the wrong reasons...have some serious growing up to do before that happens or i would end up like i dont want to...miserable and married....the status of sooo many married women today i must say! This is still another blog entry for another day! *i feel bloated*


Barbeque at my cousins house (not the one that got married) another one... it was crazy as well! Saw some twitter buddies i had neva seen in person and others that i had. Was helping fam out as usual serving chicken and shit....i like forming "Ms. Activity" it makes me tired but i still like it *events manager no?? maybe...* Anyway....drinking away when i had the chance and he came! Yes my crush i have kept buried in my heart...i had already seen him this holiday though b ut it feels soooo new everytime we do....even though we talk an awful lot *i can be such a school gurl...FFS!* But yea....i was uber excited as always! Trying not to be over bearing...let him out of my sight and then let him back in....try not to watch when he is talking to other women...get him everything he wanted....LoL...i meant food and drink people! Dirty kids! Then it was me and him time.... YEZZUUURRR!!! Ofcourse i kissed him....well he kissed me and i didnt refuse it...and i didnt feel bad about it! Maybe just cause it was good....great...AMAZEBALLS! lol....couldnt go any further....made sure i didnt...for my own sake. LoL. He turns me inside out that man (yea i have been making this conscious effort to refer to my guy friends as men as opposed to boiz which is still second nature to me...nd them lol....ego booster is me...*bite me*).

My gurls came home...well a lot of my friends really! So we went out one nite...men christmas is a time to party hard!!! All clubs packed! That has the potential to ruin a nite out...we spent most of the nite n the car looking for a reasonable place to have a good time! *NowPlaying wine am for me- piper ft. terry G! Luv this tune! Sigh...i wish i could dance now but im in the office....wiv no ceilings...hehehe. Gash i have been sooo bad of recent! Hot and bothered as well...i cant understand the sudden rise of this need of recent...and its pretty constant...is this how pervs feel? Or guys generally.... I digress once again...
I saw him again on this nite and we danced....properly! Woop! Im in heavy lust! FYI a mover...not necessarily a hot stepper but a mover....gets me...especially if i have been gotten before....WOOOOSHHH!!! No kissing for me tho...woiiii *perspiration*

As for heartbreak...that guy that really liked me or so...started making me feel uncomfortable...it wasnt fun...at all...he noticed and i suggested we just became friends....he didnt take it to well but im better than the idiot that ditched me...i had the decency to discuss it...and understand there would be consequences and not push till after for a friendship of some sort....not act like nothing happened. I feel good about myself....what was in my control i was responsible for and what was inevitable i was responsible for as well....

Im going through a phase atm...dunno what its about....lukn forward to my next entry... :)